After doing practically nothing yesterday because of the most grueling experience at the dentist I have ever had, today I want to do something worth while.

The majority of my time today will be spent with the young women of the ward assisting them with their temple experience. They are going to the Meridian temple, then Boise, then a Fireside with *** parents. I’m looking forward to this.

Tonight we have dinner with ***, some clients that I helped find a place for in Boise. The experience of helping them get out of a very bad situation will always be a highlight of my real estate career. I’m looking forward to this too.

Jenn was gone last night at the young women’s retreat. It’s always weird when she’s gone. We spend very little time away from each other, outside of work.

Sienna was supposed to work this morning, but they called her to tell her not to come in. It’s weird that they don’t have a concept of wasting people’s time when they are so good at realizing when people waste their’s.

This morning I feel contemplative. I feel very a no mbitious, or career driven right now. I have rarely felt such a desire to succeed by the standards of the world. But I don’t want to be lead down a path that takes me away from what is most important.

Come follow Me

what is most important? In my mind I know the answer to that question. But I find myself asking if that’s what my heart wants. And when I think about what my heart wants, I realize my heart is a mess. The words that come to mind when I think about it are Inconsistent, paradoxical, incompatible. I recognize wants and desires that do not jive with the mental picture of how I want to live my life.

It makes me think of a thought experiment. If I was offered unlimited funds to choose either a life filled with partying, vice, and every worldly pleasure, or choose a life where 100% of my time was spent in service to others, which would I choose. I feel sure I would pick the second choice, but I cannot honestly say I don’t feel a draw to the first. I am curious what such a life would be like.

Why? why should there be any appeal in a life like that. I think it’s a story that’s told in our culture. In our advertising. I think we, as a people, have been given a narrative of what a good life consists of from outside ourselves. There is a narrative from those who want us to consume their products, consume their services, consume something.

Interesting thought to ponder on the narratives I try to live up to.

Consumer Narrative

Family Narrative

Church and Religion narrative.

Is it possible to escape living within someone else’s narrative? And if so, what would it look like? What does the version of myself stripped down to it’s individual self, look like? Or is living to someone or something elses narrative part of being human?