It seems like my life runs a cycle. I’m sure I am not alone in this. Familiar patterns, repeated again and again. I’m not complaining. I think this is just how life is. The past couple of weeks have built up to the part where I feel overwhelmed. But I can be grateful for even this stage because it comes with a unique blessing.
Before I get to the part about the blessing I want to address the overwhelming part. Part of me doesn’t want to write this list down because it feels whiny. But I also feel like a catharsis takes place when each thing is acknowledged systematically in writing. It’s about me being able to let go of each thing, if only a little bit. It’s kind of like writing them down takes away some of their power over me.
So, in no particular order, here are the things that are weighing on my soul right now.
- Sienna dealing with an insurance company who is uninterested in truly helping her after a person they insure ruined her car.
- Organizing a family history activity for my wards Thursday night R. S. meeting.
- Losing my office at work because someone who lives a hundred miles away promised somebody something and someone close to home decided I was the easiest one to move.
- My oldest child going through childbirth for the first time and her doctor mentioning that it’s possible the baby could get stuck.
- Jenn’s arm hurting.
- Preparing for a lesson on Sunday.
- How to reach the goals I have for my career.
- Exercising my body enough.
- The daughter not yet mentioned on this list getting married in two months and having a reception in three.
- Organizing the family reunion we were picked to organize 2 years ago that is supposed to happen this summer.
- My wife’s company switching insurance companies for the third time since she’s worked there, and wondering how that effects her and us.
- Finding our marriage certificate for the new insurance company so I can be insured.
- All the specific daily to-dos I need to get finished.
- financial obligations for medical things and other ‘life’ items.
- A broken billing system at my dentist that is trying to back charge me for work done 18 months ago.
All of this, and probably some things I’ve forgotten, add up to me filling overwhelmed.
A person might ask what blessing comes from having the weight of all these things on my soul.
For me, it is the blessing of submission. The recognition that all of these things add up to more than I can deal with brings me to the place of freely letting go and understanding that my power is actually pretty limited. The place where I have the most power is in my head and heart. I can let it weigh on me, or I can choose to acknowledge that I am not strong enough to tackle all of these things on my own, and that Heavenly Father will do what he will do, and I’ll be good with that.